After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
