where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
