dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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