I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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