..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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