just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
