I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
