i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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