I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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