You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
A bitchslap is in order.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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