Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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