Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
