sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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