I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
