My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
