words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
