Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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