either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
