Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
