one two three fourrrrnication!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
