I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
