Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
