eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
