Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
