I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
