Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
