Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
