my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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