dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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