I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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