i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
