I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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