So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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