i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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