Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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