I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
