Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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