Do vagina's smell?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
