Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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