I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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