I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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