If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
