you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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