discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
