It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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