At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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