dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
