please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
