I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
