omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
