So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize