We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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