Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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