There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
