I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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