Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
false alarm, still single
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
