he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i've created a new STD.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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