That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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