She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
