so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
