Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
