i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
