She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
