Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
