i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
