and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
