I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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