your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
