Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
