So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is the high leading the old right now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
