My room smells like vodka and shame
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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