Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
