Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
