: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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